In the beginning of Perek 38, the Torah relates that Yehudah's respect from his brothers went down for they blamed him from averting the sale of Yosef. Yehudah turned away from his brothers and joined a partnership with a person called Chirah העדלמי. Yehudah's wife Shuah died and Yehudah went up to Timnah he and his Adulamite friend Chira to supervise his sheepshearers. The meforshim ask why was it so significant to mention the name of his partner חירה at all. Even more so why mention his city עדולם? What is more strange is the fact that further on in passuk 20 the Torah completely drops his name חירה and calls him only by the city he came from העדלמי.
The Medrash opens this parsha of Yehudah by saying Yaakov was busy with sackcloth and fasting over the loss of Yosef, the brothers were busy selling Yosef, Reuvein was busy with fasting and sackcloth for moving Yaakov's bed to the tent of Leah his mother from Bilhah's tent, Yosef was busy with fasting and taanis over being ripped away from his father, Yehuda was busy looking for a wife and Hashem was busy bringing the light of Moshiach through Yehudah and his encounter with Tamar's birth of Peretz.
Yehuda lost his prestige in the eyes of brothers for selling Yosef thereby causing their father terrible anguish and furthermore to lose his ruach hakodesh all the years until Yosef revealed himself as still being alive. He needed to strengthen himself in ruchinyus. He decided to start fresh again from the very beginning with the first mitzvah of the Torah to be fruitful and multiply. But he needed a good friend who could be mechazaik him. He met this person Chira העדלמי. In his name, Yehudah saw a siyata dishmaya from Hashem that would mechazaik him at all times to overcome his obstacles especially the guilt for selling Yosef, causing his father aveilus and losing his esteem in the eyes of his brothers.
As a king in Am Yisrael he too would have to carry a Torah with him all the time to remind him of his royal position and that Hashem is above him who is really the one in charge (Devarim 17,19). He also learned from his name Yehudah given to him by mother Leah which expresses gratitude for being blessed with an additional portion of Shevatim, in order to serve as a constant reminder that she was blessed with an extra child (Rashi 29,35). This way whenever she called his name she would be reminded of her extra portion that was gifted to her by Hashem.
Likewise Yehudah wanted a constant reminder of his father who went through many tzaros and yet he never complained to Hashem about his challenging situations. With siyata dishmaya he found whom he was seeking. His new friend עדלמי represented in his name the list of tzaros that Yaakov experienced in his lifetime upon which he did not lament. The letter ע represents עשו who battled with him even in the womb of their mother. After Yaakov received his berachos from his father Aisav was out to kill him and his family and wipe out any trace of Am Yisrael. The letter ד represents the tzaros that דינה caused him when she went out to see the בנות הארץ and was kidnapped and raped by Shechem. The down side of Shimon and Levi wiping out the male inhabitants of the city which harbored Dina, put fear into Yaakov (Bereishis 34,30) "You have made my mind troubled creating hostility between me and the inhabitants of the land. I have only a few men. They can gather against me and attack me and then I and my household will be destroyed".
The letter ל corresponds to לבן on which the Torah writes ארמי אובד אבי that Lavan was out to destroy Yaakov and his family. Would it not have been for Hashem's intervention appearing in Lavan's dream and threatening him, Lavan would have done so. This is besides the tzaros and the treacherous deceit that caused Yaakov anguish by switching his shidduch to Leah on the wedding night and the deal that he made with the flocks changing it many times over.
The letter מ refers to the battle of Yaakov with the מלאך of Aisav at the Yabok crossing. Aside from the battle itself, Yaakov was injured in the גיד הנשה. Even though he was cured from his wound, it still left an impact in the galus of Yavan as our Chazal explain.
The last letter י refers to two tzaros. One concerned Yosef being suddenly ripped away from his father and assumed killed by an animal. Yosef was the apple of Yaakov's eye and his hopes and dreams were dashed. The letter yud also symbolizes the pain that Yaakov received from יהודה and Tamar when Yehuda admitted publically that it was him who thought she was a harlot and got her pregnant.
One tzara that was not hinted explicitly is the tzarah of Binyamin when Yehudah coerced his father to send Binyamin to Mitzrayim to placate the Viceroy (Yosef) who demanded to see him. The simple reason why it is not openly hinted is because the reality of this event did not yet occur to Yaakov. Nevertheless it is still alluded to in the name of העדלמי . We find that Yaakov and Yosef during this episode calls Binyamin .הקטן The gematria of קטן equals .העדלמי
Yet all through Yaakov's tzaros we don't find him complaining to Hashem how can He bring upon him tzara after tzara. It is because he understood that Hashem has a plan even though he might not be privy to it. Possessing the midah of emes all the seeimingly overt negative experiences were emes and therefore he trusted in Hashem that they were only for his benefit. Any slight pain that we experience is a gain for us and never in vain.
Yaakov said to Aisav יש לי כל (33,11) I have everything and I lack nothing. Chazal say (Chullin 89) on the passuk (Tehillim 58,2 ) האמנם אלם צדק תדברון מישרים תשפטו בני אדם that the craft אומנות)) that one should achieve and practice during his lifetime is to יעשה עצמו כאלם a mute, and never complain about what he lacks or needs. The beracha that we recite every morning is שעשה לי כל צרכי that He supplies me with all my needs which includes tzaros as well. That is to say that if I am faced with a tzarah it means that it is "needed" to make me have a tikkun or for another positive reason in attaining shelaimus that one is unaware of. That is why we find the gematriah לי כל עה"כ that Yaakov Avinu said, equals כאלם. There is nothing to complain about. This concept is hinted in the same letters as כי אין מחסור ליראיו (Tehillim 34,10) which its acronym also spells כאלם. This idea is also alluded to in the gematriah of two names of Hashem, אדני הויה which add up to כאלם. One symbolizes the midda of דין and the other the midda of compassion and love. The gematriah teaches us that even though on the outside the tzara appears like דין one must realize that inside the force behind it is הויה and mercy.
In Likutei Moharan, he explains why is it that when one feels pain he instinctively closes his eyes tightly. When we recite the Shema Yisrael we accept the yoke of Hashem upon ourselves. A part of this acceptance is the belief הויה אלקינו הויה אחד, that there are two active middos of Hashem, one הויה which portrays mercy and the other אלקים which portrays judgment. In the arrival of Moshiach we will come to the clear understanding that what we experienced was truly הויה אחד completely chesed for our benefit - הטוב והמטיב.
When something we want to see that is in the distance we squint our eyes to see it clearer. If the object what we want to see is even further away we squint our eyes even more. The geula and its revelation that all pain and anguish is truly a chesed is so far away from our understanding that we have to close our eyes completely in order to see it. So when we say the Shema Yisrael with the declaration that we accept the yoke of Heaven upon ourselves which includes הויה אלקינו הויה אחד that all the challenges that come are way are opportunities to be mesakain ourselves from imperfection, we also close our eyes as if we are squinting to see it from the distance.
Notice that in the passuk of Shema Yisrael we mention three names of Hashem at the very beginning. .שמע ישראל יהוה אלהינו If one adds the three names of Hashem he will arrive at the gematriah of העדלמי. We can read this passuk of the Torah which does not have any punctuation as שמע ישראל (with the vowel of kamatz under the shin) that Yaakov who is called Yisrael heard (past tense). Hearing means to understand as found in the passuk (Melachim 1,3) ונתת לעבדך לב לשמוע that all through his trying experiences which are hinted to in עדלמי which are alluded in the אל הויה אלקינו, Yaakov understood that the source of Hashem's challenges given to him stemmed from הויה אחד compassion and chesed. Hashem does not make any mistakes.
The Medrash above said that Hashem was busy weaving a tapestry in bringing Moshiach from Yehudah. We can see this from the name עדלמי which is also associated with Dovid Hamelech and Moshiach. The Igra D'Kallah writes
ודאי כל מעשיהם בכוונת רוח קדשם, והנה כאשר הורידוהו אחיו מגדלותו נטה עד איש עדלמ"י, כי צפה ברוח קדשו שגם דוד אשר יצא ממנו כאשר ברח מפני שאול וימלט אל מערת עדל"ם (שמואל א' כב א), ושם הצמיח ראשית ממשלתו כי שם נקבצו אליו כארבע מאות איש ויהי עליהם לשר (שמואל א' כב ב). וזה שמשמיענו גם כן ושמו חירה לשון חירות, אשרך ארץ שמלכך בן חורין (קהלת י יז), איזהו נשיא כל שאין על גביו אלא י"י אלקיו (הוריות י' ע"א),
"חירה (בראשית לח א), לשון חירות שיהיה עיקר החירות לעולמי עד על ידי מלך המשיח, ועל כן היה איש עדלמי מעיר עדל"ם, תיבה מורכבת "עד עולם"
Dovid's prestige and title as King were in jeopardy of being lost because Shaul was looking to kill him. He like Yehuda his ancestor was faced with similar hurdles. He had to flee to a cave and ensure that he would not be killed by Shaul Hamelech. The cave where he hid to which 400 supporters of his joined him, was same city of עדלם. This conveys that Dovid like Yehudah was mechazik himself with the tzaros of Yaakov Avinu and at the end he was successful with his kinship just like Yehudah whose esteem was once again returned when he admitted that he had relations with Tamar (Medrash Tehillim 86).
Everyone had different tests that they must strive to pass. Don't tell Hashem how big your problems are and it is not fair. Tell your problems how big Hashem is and He wants you to fix them. Daven and make your hishtadlus. But if the problems still linger without being given the proper attention, or new ones come around the corner, just remember that you are in a state of repair B"H.