The Rabbeinu Yona in his classic sefer Shaarei Teshuva says that if one delays the process of his teshuva his punishment increases in severity. He then brings the Chazal in Koheles which likens this scenario with a group of robbers locked in a jail and they successfully dig a tunnel to break out of prison. All make the escape except for one. When the guard comes in and sees that they all escaped except for this one prisoner he begins beating him for not escaping with the rest. So too says Rabbeinu Yonah if Hashem gave us a way to escape from our avairos and we do not utilize this option to better ourselves, then this angers Hashem even more so.
The question in the mashal is obvious. It is the prisoner who did not flee, in contrast to the others who did, that demonstrated that he alone was the law abiding citizen. On the contrary he should be the one who was commended and rewarded for his actions of loyalty and not punished for them? What did Chazal want to portray with this cryptic analogy?
The cause of all sins is the middah of gaavah – haughtiness. Why does one have difficulty in apologizing to a spouse or child when they realize they wronged them? The answer is that it would be a blow to one’s ego. Why does one get angry and lose it when things don’t go exactly their way? Because one thinks that he is “G-d’s gift to Man. It’s coming to him after all since he so perfect in so many ways. I bet you that if you would hire someone to film you 24\7 and then play it back, you would be appalled after close examination of your thoughts, speech, and actions both in home and business. So who are you and where is your entitlement to get angry and really upset at someone else who might even be a more perfected person than yourself?
There was once a Rebbe who said that after 120 years he will be able to answer all the questions that the heavenly court will ask me except for one. When they will ask why didn’t I learn more I will answer I did not have such a good head. When they will ask why I didn’t give more tzedakah I will answer I have very little money. When they will ask me why I didn’t daven for the amud more frequently I will say I did not possess a good voice. Why did davening go so quick? I did not have enough patience. After grilling me for an hour and me giving all these excuses they will finally ask me the million dollar question if you had so many shortcomings as you mentioned how did you manage to become such a big baal gaavah? For this question I will have no answer!
They relate the story of an Israeli prime minister who when he visited a Buddhist monastery he followed all their customs without any qualms yet visiting a shul he didn’t put on a yarmulke. When confronted about the contradictory behaviors he answered with a cynical chuckle that the heavens are his yarmulke. Someone present who didn’t appreciate his mocking of Torah responded with the statement “for someone who has such a small head like yours why is it necessary to wear such a big yarmulke! Many of us walk around with bigger and more imaginative heads than we really possess.
Rav Shach ztl. explains that the prisoner that Chazal are talking about, without any doubt wants also to escape with the others. So what’s stopping him? It is because he is so distorted with haughtiness that he reached the point where he feels that it is too degrading for him to flee in a tunnel like some common criminal. Rather he should leave the prison and its grounds with some kind of fanfare, prestige and honorable discharge which he deserves. Rav Shach says that such a person is already beyond rehabilitation. The prison and its inferior living conditions had little effect in subduing his haughtiness and correcting his moral outlook on life. His middah of gaavah is worse than the actual crime that he committed for it demonstrates that he has become a hopeless case. He gets beaten for allowing himself to fall into such an unfixable state.
The above mashal of the Chazal also relates to us that by doing avairos we place ourselves in a prison as the Chazal say that concerning the wicked it is they who are possessed by their hearts and not vice versa. In other words they are prisoners just as much as our brethren who are unfortunately in Otisville and the like. We would like to thing there is a difference but in the spiritual sense Chazal tell us there is no distinction. Teshuva and release from jail can only be accomplished with regaining the middos of humility and humbleness in front of Hashem and His words.
We will now go through the Birchos Hashachar that lend a hint to the process of teshuva in the light of the words of Rabbeinu Yonah. The beracha pokaiach ivrim He opens up the eyes of the blind also refers to the sinner, one who has already lost control over his heart. It is the desire of his heart at any given moment that makes all the decisions and choices, not his intellect. He is blinded by the “shochad” the bribery of his body and his sensual cravings, and he has lost sight of the goal that he must reach in order to please his Creator. Hashem in His infinite mercy and compassion will sometimes open up those blinded eyes giving the sincere baal teshuva a window of opportunity to repent.
Malbish arumim He clothes the naked refers to the mitzvos that a person loses due to failure to listen to his inner voice of spirit. This nakedness was explained by our Chazal after Adam and Chava ate from the aitz hadaas the passuk describes that their eyes opened up and they realized that they were naked. Nakedness in that text referred to the mitzvah that they lost by transgressing the will of Hashem (Rashi). So too, Hashem gives repeated chances to those who want to return to Him to regain opportunities of mitzvos that were lost because he followed his ego.
Matir asurim He frees one from jail. Yes our avairos can manipulate a person to remain as if he is shackled in chains from which he cannot escape. Yet Hashem calls to the sinner “yaazov rasha darko” let the rasha leave his path, the path and pattern which he himself thinks he can never leave because it has become so much part of him. Every day we must give thanks to Hashem that He takes us out of our self inflicted prisons.
Zokaif kefufim. In order to escape from our prisons we must humble ourselves negating our desires to those of Hashem. Humility must become our essential character. Hashem will restore our self kavod and dignity. The teshuvah process will not leave us feeling low and insignificant in our own eyes and nor in the eyes of others.
Rokah haaretz al hamayim Hashem spreads the earth over the waters. This is a fact even though it should be the opposite since every element which is lighter rises above the heavier element. Earth which is heavier that water, should remain below the water surface. Throw in a pebble into the water and it sinks. The fact that nature has it that earth is above the waters is truly miraculous and supernatural. The process of teshuva is also supernatural and other worldly. As our Chazal point out the reason why on Rosh Hashanah we dress in our best clothing and take haircuts as if it was a holiday is because we are secure that Hashem will make for us a miracle. They use the word miracle for teshuvah is nothing less than that. Just like Hashem made the earth above the waters to make for man a habitat to reach perfection, so too Hashem gave him the power of teshuvah so that even after his spiritual failure he can still rectify himself and the world and attain Hashem’s intended perfection for Man.
Sheasah lee kal tzarchi He made for me all my needs. This is recited when one puts on his shoes. Shoes separate us from the ground which is cursed from the sin of Adam Harishon. This sort of guides us that man should do everything in his power to rise above anything or anyone that would bring him with any association of curse which distances one from Hashem. Instead, he must always strive to cleave to blessing and what brings good and improvement to man and mankind and closeness to Hashem. The shoe is placed on the lowest part of the human and symbolizes humility. Shoes were made from animal skins which symbolizes that man through his humility can take control of his animalistic nature and not vice versa. This middah of humility is called by Chazal “kol tzarchi” all my needs. For if one has this middah of subjugation to the truth then he possesses all that he needs to complete the teshuvah process.
May we be zoche to attain this quality of humility this coming Rosh Hashanh as we accept Hashem’s majesty upon ourselves. Tzaddikim used to say that when we say echad in the passuk of Shema Yisrael we are supposed to accept Hashem as the only king as represented by the aleph of echad. We accept Hashem as king over the seven heavens and beyond which is symbolized by the ches of echad which numerically equals to 8. We also accept Hashem as sole king over all four directions as symbolized by the letter dales of echad which numerically equals to 4. It is great that we accept Hashem over every part of the universe but let us not forget to accept Him as king also over oneself as well. That might just be the hardest acceptance of them all since it deals with humility and breaking one’s ego and stubbornness. May we successfully negate our “ mister know it all” and “kumpt mir all” to be able to admit when we are wrong, to apologize after we lost control, to rectify what we have blemished, to purify what we have defiled, and to regain trust where we have been disloyal.
Kesivah vechasima tova
Rav Brazil
